The Dynamics of Your Relationship With Food
The idea that each of us has a relationship with food that is unique to us is a concept with which many are unfamiliar. If we pause to think about it, we have relationships with pretty much all things in life, especially those we engage with daily. Regardless of how aware we are of this relationship, it impacts our day-to-day experience. Understanding whether that relationship is positive, negative, or somewhere in between allows us to determine whether it supports or is possibly a barrier to our health goals.
What do we mean by ‘relationship with food’?
How you relate to food is another way of referring to how you experience and interact with it. Some individuals may feel a strong correlation between food and their health or their body. Others may experience a strong connection between food and their culture, family, environment, or other aspects of their lived experience and our greater world. Some individuals utilize food to soothe or avoid difficult feelings or emotions. Others may experience food as purely transactional and simply a necessity of life. Some individuals who have utilized diets may feel they spend too much time thinking about food, seeing it as an unwanted fixation that takes up too much of their daily time and energy. Some may find a lot of joy in shopping for ingredients, curating meals, or growing their food. Ultimately, more than one of these ways of relating to food may resonate for you because our relationship with food is quite dynamic and will continue to evolve as we do.
For most of us, this relationship began forming at a young age due to exposure to messages within and outside of our homes. This means how we relate to and experience food today started to take root without conscious awareness or choosing. In most cultures, food is central to social interactions, celebrations, and family dynamics. Food also has an abundance of messaging dedicated to it across various forms of media. Let’s explore some of the possible influences that may have been at play for you during these early years and could still be influencing your relationship with food today.
Food and family
Whether food was consistently available, whether meals were prepared in or eaten away from the home, and whether foods were discussed in a way that presented them as ‘good’, ‘bad’, or ‘neutral’ are all factors that influence how we relate to food today. Food insecurity or limited and inconsistent access to food as a child may carry over into adulthood and impact one’s thoughts and feelings about food. Many individuals report exposure to diets and food restrictions from their parents or even being put on diets as children. Some also experienced a dynamic with caregivers who withheld food as punishment or focused on certain foods as rewards. It’s important to recognize that our goal in reflecting on these influences isn’t to point fingers or pass blame, but rather to better understand the possible impact or significance. Once we have greater awareness, we can further explore what feels supportive and what doesn’t, choosing to redefine our experience in the present and for the future.
Food and society/culture
In America, our society has been on a never-ending rollercoaster of ups and downs with assigning labels to food. Foods have been demonized, put on pedestals, and given titles like ‘superfood’ or ‘natural’, implying some sort of hierarchy. The confusion that has resulted from these messages leads many to look outside themselves when considering what, when, and how much they’ll eat. People with a history of dieting report a preoccupation with food, meaning they spend a lot of their day thinking about what they will eat, what they feel they ‘should’ eat, what they did or didn’t eat, how much and what it all means in terms of their body and their health. This amount of focus on food can have a detrimental impact on one’s health if it becomes a source of stress, due to the ongoing mental and emotional toll.
Social media is often utilized as a popular source of information on food and diets. Due to the nature of online content, it’s important to assess the quality of information, sources, and motives behind the messaging. If you relate to the experience many have had with decades of influence coming from external sources, it’s useful to acknowledge how this may have impacted your relationship with food. While there is absolutely a place for unbiased education around foods that promote health, prevent disease, and support weight management, this should come secondary to tuning in to our own body’s cues, honoring cultural preferences, and finding enjoyment in what and how we choose to nourish our bodies.
Why might we consider evaluating our relationship with food, and where to start
With a better understanding of what is meant by ‘relationship with food’ and common influencing factors, we can go a layer deeper. A starting place to evaluate this might be to consider your thoughts and feelings related to food. And to be clear, there are no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ answers to these questions. Do they feel positive and supportive, uncertain and confusing, or possibly negative and all-consuming? Do your thoughts seem to occur on their own, or are they triggered by external cues, other people, or changes in your mood or environment? Are they frequent, seeming to interrupt your experience of other activities, or infrequent and primarily connected to times when eating is necessary or beneficial? These are just a few prompts to consider reflecting on and observing what arises as you consider what feels true of your experience with food.
Another way to assess your relationship with food is to consider the time and energy spent on deciding, purchasing, preparing, and eating it. Does the amount of time feel reasonable given the other responsibilities in your day, or does it hinder your ability to complete other necessary tasks? Does the energy required seem representative of the value it holds in your daily life, or does it seem to take up more time than you’d like by creeping into your mind excessively or at inappropriate times? As a reminder, your relationship with food is unique to you and will look different than everyone else’s. The primary intention of assessing it is to begin to understand if it feels supportive or possibly indicates an opportunity for more exploration.
Redefining your relationship with food
Ideally, a positive and supportive relationship with food includes honoring your hunger and fullness cues and choosing to eat a variety of foods that nourish you on a physical level and provide enjoyment in other ways. A positive relationship with food means there aren’t feelings of guilt or shame for foods chosen or amounts eaten, and there isn’t a strong focus on calories that feels restrictive. Regular meals and snacks are part of the daily routine, as needed, and variability between times and amounts is based on the shifts in our schedule and our body from day to day.
Our dietitians at Summerfield have supported many patients in exploring and redefining their relationship with food. Dietitians create a supportive space to peel back the layers and consider what is beneficial to your current experience, and what isn’t. They utilize nutrition counseling techniques and incorporate resources to explore connections between things like food and feelings, food and mood, and automatic thinking patterns. Through a better understanding of your experiences and influential factors, a dietitian can assist you in repairing and redefining your relationship with food if this feels like an area of opportunity in your health journey.